Pieces of My Puzzle

“We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle that illustrates the story of our love.”

Howdy blogosphere! Before I go into anything I thought I’d update you on some recent additions to my playlist, which I am now calling ‘Songs for the Memories.’

My Humps Black Eyed Peas
Paper Airplanes M.I.A.
Fuck You Right Back Frankee
Don’t Cha Pussycat Dolls
Drop It Like It’s Hot Snoop Dogg
Revolution The Veronicas
Into the Dark Ben Lee
Blue Eiffel 65
Father and Daughter Paul Simon
Counting the Beat The Swingers
Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd
1, 2 Step Ciara
Pony Kasey Chambers

Now, making this playlist has really made me think about a lot of the memories they’re connected to. Some of them are just one hit wonders or songs I heard on the radio that I liked for no apparent reason, or off music DVDs watched over and over again in fits of boredom. But some of them I connect with deeply because of the meaning behind them and the memory attached.

The song I’d probably connect to most from my playlist is She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. I remember the first time I ever heard this song. I was at my Dad’s house at Pepperhill and he played it for me, intending to put it on a CD for his girlfriend at the time, Roz.

This song became our song during that period of time, the few months he dated Roz. Me, my sister, my Dad and Roz. We had plenty of inside jokes and silly things we’d made up but we all connected the most over this song. I remember hearing it for the first time after Dad and Roz broke up and just sighing. I still don’t really know why he broke up with her but the song is still beautiful.

The other song I really like is Forever Young by Youth Group. I know what you’re thinking. Kassi’s a loser who was obsessed with the O.C. and that’s the only reason she likes this song! Yes, I did first here this song on The O.C. but that is not why I like it! I love the lyrics. I could just analyse the lyrics of this song over and over again all day. I had an obsession with this song. I don’t know why.

Kids by MGMT is my sister and I’s “song.” I don’t know why. Don’t ask me why coz I couldn’t tell you. It’s just our song. I first heard this song at school last year when Kelly, Monica, Bec, Renee and Ciann did their dance assessment piece using it, which got adapted into the class performance piece for Dance Night. I always really liked it.

The last song I want to mention is Into the Dark by Ben Lee. My Mum bought his album Awake is the New Sleep and, much like with Dad and Roz, this became our song with her boyfriend Mark. I listened to this album (this was back in 2005 and I still had a Discman :O) during a period in my life when I was going through a lot of stuff. I’ve mentioned stuff that happened to me when I was in year eight in this blog before but I barely skimmed the surface on how it affected me. I don’t really want to go into that here because it will make me seem even more strange and psychotic than I already am.

What else did I do today besides re-awaking old memories from songs from the past? Not a lot. It doesn’t hurt to think about past memories every so often. But don’t get stuck in the past or you’ll never move on to the future.

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” –Albus Dumbledore

And I’m so excited for the future! Other than John Green, the closest thing in my future, so close I can almost reach out and swipe at it is AzkaFUCKINGtraz! I’m shaking just typing this, that’s how excited I am for July. America. That’s all.

Oh, I almost forgot! I was going to include a snippet from my new novel writing story project thing. And, before you ask, yes I did start a new one... AGAIN. I think I mentioned in a previous blog that I was reverting back to teen fiction. This is a complete and utter lie! I’m writing something meaningful and young adulty but I’ll let you be the judge:

As I sat with her in the empty building the envelope in her hand held no interest to me. I already knew what it would say. I didn’t want to read it because then it would really be true. She really wouldn’t be coming back. I didn’t want to realise this. I hoped in those few seconds or maybe even minutes that there could be some tiny speck of a chance that she hadn’t gone away. She hadn’t left me here alone. But that hope came and gone because she’d chosen to leave me.
I gently pried the envelope from her fingertips, flinching as a nail grazed my skin. In her haste she hadn’t even sealed it. As I pulled the piece of notebook paper out of the envelope I could already feel her scent begin to sting my nostrils. I unfolded the letter and allowed myself to finally cry, a tear dropping onto the page.

To Anthony

Goodbye.

Love, Esther

***

ESTHER

I could feel the sun burning my skin as I skipped down the sidewalk. The people in my neighbourhood knew me well enough not to peer around their curtains as I careened like an idiotic teenager down the street. There would be murmurs of “Oh, it’s just Esther again,” and “That girl is an odd one.” But none of the speculation about me was ever correct and I didn’t mind sparking intrigue.

The only person in the world who knew everything there was to know about me was Anthony. My best friend since second grade and now as graduating seniors we were closer than ever. He was the one I knew would always be there.

He was the one I could confide in when worried. He’d hold me close when I was scared and laugh with me when neither of us knew what was so funny. If anyone was in a room with us they’d lose track of the conversation almost instantly because we’d jump from topic to story to long ago memories so quick it was like watching a tennis match.

Despite how close I was to Anthony, there had never been anything romantic between us and there never will. We know it isn’t like that although we’ve never brought it up. We’re best friends and we don’t need to be anything else.

He was waiting just where he always was. I closed the space between us and sank to a cross-legged position across from him under the tree in his yard. Our tree. I didn’t know what kind of tree it was and I’d never bothered to find out. That wasn’t important. It was just me and him and the grass and the sky and the clouds that moved by too quickly.

‘Esther,’ he said quietly. Oh, he was in one of his moods again. Anthony was the kindest, most pleasant person I knew but lately he’d been having moods directly related to the inevitable end of summer.

He saw it as the end of our life together but I saw it as the beginning. He didn’t hesitate to point out to me that we were going to be separated for the four years it took for us to complete college on opposite sides of the country.

My parents weren’t strict about many things but their one request was that I attend UC Berkeley where they’d met and fallen in love. I thought this was kind of hokey and corny but that was the one thing they wanted and I wasn’t going to fight that.

Up until senior year Anthony was going to go with me. We had our entire future planned out right down to the furnishings on our house. We were strange like that. But Anthony’s parents had flat out said no. They didn’t want their son to go so far away and had strong particulars in mind when it came to his further education. They wanted him to go to college in New York and he had no say in it.

Anthony was not happy with this, to say the least. Being the kind, pleasant person that he was, he didn’t fight with them over it. He knew he stood no chance in the matter. His parents had always chosen everything for him and he’d just accepted it and gone along with life. This was one of the many reasons I disliked his parents.

‘Please don’t be like this again. We only have a few hours left and I don’t want them to be filled with negativity,’ I said sternly.

‘What do you expect me to be like Es? In a few hours we’ll both be gone and I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. We’ve been together practically our whole lives. I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this but I’m gonna miss you so bad.’ His voice cracked on the last word and I yearned to reach out and touch his hand, stroke his cheek. But I didn’t.

‘Promise me you’ll write. I’ll write one week and you write the next. It’ll be like a trade-off,’ I said firmly. He looked up from Holes and that one instance where our eyes met felt infinite. Brown and green, never straying; never parting... until now.

***

UPDATE: I just found out that they’ve confirmed the first person in Australia with swine flu! In Brisbane Airport too! (Brisbane is an hour from where I used to live). She’s apparently in isolation now and I just have one thing to say: DON’T FUCKING LET HER OUT!

Word to your bookshelf,

Kassi

Days I’ve Worked Full Time: 39
Books I’ve Read in 2009: 40
Days Till I Leave for Azkatraz: 66
Days Till I Meet John Green: 18

LOL Moment of the Day:

Me: Are you reading Harry Potter?

Brooke: [my sister] Yes

Me: Ooh! Can I take a picture?

Brooke: Why?

Me: You’re reading it for the first time! You’ll never feel how you’re feeling right now ever again!

Brooke: You mean pissed off? Because I’ll feel that plenty more, living with you.